From Jim:
Yesterday and today Michael Frost, co-author of ReJesus: The Wild Messiah for the Missional Church, spoke in three settings in Houston. At the lunch meeting he challenged and inspired me. I want to recapture what I heard him say for my own learning. This are my notes.
Throughout modernity the Church has focused on four purposes - worship, discipleship, community, and mission. During this period, we have done discipleship and community around worship - on Sunday mornings, with the preacher as the center piece of the experience. And for a long time that worked.
He suggested that in this era a more effective way to think about the work of the Church is to do worship, community, and discipleship around mission. He proposes that the Church is a collection of the sent ones. While on mission, worship, community and discipleship take on a much more powerful focus.
What would happen if the vision for local missional congregations was to equip missional leaders who, as they were on mission were worshipping, building community, and making disciples? Does this seem really different to you? It does to me.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
It was truly wonderful to see you all again, in Holland this time. You challenge and inspire us and we love to work with you. Thank you for the privilege one more time!
We'd love to hear what you're hearing from your leadership teams. What seems to be the main take-away from the weekend? What kind of emotional connection did they forge with the concepts that were presented?
You can comment on this blog or post to it OR if that's too techno-challenging, email me and I'll post your comments.
Next, Jim and I will comment on your next steps and offer some coaching for the near future.
Monday, April 27, 2009
One common way we try to avoid or mitigate pain in the future is to make a vow. We respond to a painful or threatening experience by saying, "I will never . . . " or "I will always . . . " Some common vows: "I won't try." "I won't feel." "I won't get close." "I will win." "I will avoid." "I will be perfect." "I will make up for it." "I won't trust." You get the idea, right?
So how do we discover the vows or decisions we made as children? One way is to think through our painful or scary memories. Whether we remember making the vow or not, we may be able to discern a way of thinking that formed in response to that difficult experience and became a patterned way of dealing with the world. Another way is to look at a place in our lives today that isn't working. Sometimes we can trace a pattern back to its source. You may remember that I shared a story about the murder of my uncle. My vow was, "I will love You and serve You but I will not trust You." I only discovered that vow as I was working with a spiritual director to understand my seeming inability to form a consistent prayer life.
Vows matter because they form a default response in our lives--a way of being that shapes who we become and how we behave. Because it is a default response, we lose the ability to choose differently, to do something else. Do you remember the vows you identified at the retreat? Do you remember Jim saying, "If you made the vow, you can unmake it"? Have you begun the hard work of recognizing and undoing the vows of the past?
So how do we discover the vows or decisions we made as children? One way is to think through our painful or scary memories. Whether we remember making the vow or not, we may be able to discern a way of thinking that formed in response to that difficult experience and became a patterned way of dealing with the world. Another way is to look at a place in our lives today that isn't working. Sometimes we can trace a pattern back to its source. You may remember that I shared a story about the murder of my uncle. My vow was, "I will love You and serve You but I will not trust You." I only discovered that vow as I was working with a spiritual director to understand my seeming inability to form a consistent prayer life.
Vows matter because they form a default response in our lives--a way of being that shapes who we become and how we behave. Because it is a default response, we lose the ability to choose differently, to do something else. Do you remember the vows you identified at the retreat? Do you remember Jim saying, "If you made the vow, you can unmake it"? Have you begun the hard work of recognizing and undoing the vows of the past?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Something happens. It actually, factually happens. Then we make meaning of what happened. We tell ourselves stories about what happened. Eventually, we no longer know what happened. We only know what we told ourselves about what happened.
A boy asks a girl for a date. The girl says no, thank you. The boy tells himself that he was rejected.
When bad things happen when we're very young (and sometimes when we're older), we only know two meanings: "There's something wrong with you" or "There's something wrong with me." Which one we tend to choose will determine everything else.
Why does this matter? It matters because these stories about our lives are the patterns we bring into ministry. This is what other people see, what they relate to, and this is what will do us in eventually. Our questions, our addictions, our insecurities, our struggles are all rooted in the meaning we make of what has happened to us.
Freedom comes when we are able to tell the truth. To tell the truth about what actually happened. To tell the truth about the meaning we have made and the stories we have told. To tell the truth about the struggle.
We can only tell the truth about our selves when we take time for solitude, to remember and to listen. Jesus said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."
A boy asks a girl for a date. The girl says no, thank you. The boy tells himself that he was rejected.
When bad things happen when we're very young (and sometimes when we're older), we only know two meanings: "There's something wrong with you" or "There's something wrong with me." Which one we tend to choose will determine everything else.
Why does this matter? It matters because these stories about our lives are the patterns we bring into ministry. This is what other people see, what they relate to, and this is what will do us in eventually. Our questions, our addictions, our insecurities, our struggles are all rooted in the meaning we make of what has happened to us.
Freedom comes when we are able to tell the truth. To tell the truth about what actually happened. To tell the truth about the meaning we have made and the stories we have told. To tell the truth about the struggle.
We can only tell the truth about our selves when we take time for solitude, to remember and to listen. Jesus said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."
Thursday, April 16, 2009
So what is self-differentiation (also known as emotional maturity) and how do we know that we are developing it? Put as simply as possible, it is the capacity to stay connected to others without having our feelings and behaviors determined by them. We know we have it when we are able to know and do the right thing even in the face of pressure to do otherwise. This pressure is only sometimes overt external pressure from others. More often, it is internal pressure we call anxiety that surfaces when we are taking our emotional cues from others in the system or from old messages.
When we are operating out of emotional maturity, we do what we do because we have decided that it is the best course of action, not because we are too anxious to do otherwise. We can calm ourselves enough to make well-thought-out decisions. We act according to our deepest values and not out of a need to fend off anxiety.
Our emotionally mature actions may look very similar to our anxious actions but they come from a very different place. For example, as I become more emotionally mature, I may seek out opportunities to connect with the opposition in my congregation more out of genuine caring for them and less out of a need to please or manipulate.
I will control my temper because I value controlling my temper and not so that I will look good to others.
Take just a minute and sit quietly and imagine, "What if I was consistently able to stay connected to others without having my feelings or actions determined by them?" What would that look like? What would that feel like? Wouldn't that kind of transformation be worth the effort?
When we are operating out of emotional maturity, we do what we do because we have decided that it is the best course of action, not because we are too anxious to do otherwise. We can calm ourselves enough to make well-thought-out decisions. We act according to our deepest values and not out of a need to fend off anxiety.
Our emotionally mature actions may look very similar to our anxious actions but they come from a very different place. For example, as I become more emotionally mature, I may seek out opportunities to connect with the opposition in my congregation more out of genuine caring for them and less out of a need to please or manipulate.
I will control my temper because I value controlling my temper and not so that I will look good to others.
Take just a minute and sit quietly and imagine, "What if I was consistently able to stay connected to others without having my feelings or actions determined by them?" What would that look like? What would that feel like? Wouldn't that kind of transformation be worth the effort?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
What makes you VIBRATE? Remember that word? What makes you anxious? What gets you stirred up inside? Even more importantly, what do you typically do when you're vibrating?
Do you pull away from people, literally or emotionally? Do you shut down or put walls up? That's distancing and that's one of several predictable ways that people react to anxiety. Maybe you engage people more intensely, to persuade them to think or act differently and, failing that, to move to argument or conflict. Maybe you overfunction by taking more responsibility than is yours in a relationship or a situation. (That's a personal favorite of most ministers!) Or maybe you underfunction by not taking enough responsibility for yourself and your relationships. If you're depressed, that's certainly a possibility. Or maybe you create triangles with other people in your congregation or your family, pulling them in to bolster your position or getting in between two other people who are experiencing anxiety in their relationship.
Effective leaders are able to monitor their own anxiety in a given situation and manage it. They know when they are vibrating before they are so anxious they can't turn back. They are also keenly aware of their own predictable reactions and can intercept them before they become inevitable (remember: anxiety makes us stupid!)
Effective leaders also pay attention the anxiety of others. Without absorbing or taking responsibility for the reactions of other people, these leaders are able to see anxiety as it develops in relationships and predict what is likely to happen. They are then able to introduce--through their own behavior--a measure of calmness and rationality. More about that tomorrow.
Do you pull away from people, literally or emotionally? Do you shut down or put walls up? That's distancing and that's one of several predictable ways that people react to anxiety. Maybe you engage people more intensely, to persuade them to think or act differently and, failing that, to move to argument or conflict. Maybe you overfunction by taking more responsibility than is yours in a relationship or a situation. (That's a personal favorite of most ministers!) Or maybe you underfunction by not taking enough responsibility for yourself and your relationships. If you're depressed, that's certainly a possibility. Or maybe you create triangles with other people in your congregation or your family, pulling them in to bolster your position or getting in between two other people who are experiencing anxiety in their relationship.
Effective leaders are able to monitor their own anxiety in a given situation and manage it. They know when they are vibrating before they are so anxious they can't turn back. They are also keenly aware of their own predictable reactions and can intercept them before they become inevitable (remember: anxiety makes us stupid!)
Effective leaders also pay attention the anxiety of others. Without absorbing or taking responsibility for the reactions of other people, these leaders are able to see anxiety as it develops in relationships and predict what is likely to happen. They are then able to introduce--through their own behavior--a measure of calmness and rationality. More about that tomorrow.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
2 Corinthians 5:17-20
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.
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