What makes you VIBRATE? Remember that word? What makes you anxious? What gets you stirred up inside? Even more importantly, what do you typically do when you're vibrating?

Do you pull away from people, literally or emotionally? Do you shut down or put walls up? That's distancing and that's one of several predictable ways that people react to anxiety. Maybe you engage people more intensely, to persuade them to think or act differently and, failing that, to move to argument or conflict. Maybe you overfunction by taking more responsibility than is yours in a relationship or a situation. (That's a personal favorite of most ministers!) Or maybe you underfunction by not taking enough responsibility for yourself and your relationships. If you're depressed, that's certainly a possibility. Or maybe you create triangles with other people in your congregation or your family, pulling them in to bolster your position or getting in between two other people who are experiencing anxiety in their relationship.

Effective leaders are able to monitor their own anxiety in a given situation and manage it. They know when they are vibrating before they are so anxious they can't turn back. They are also keenly aware of their own predictable reactions and can intercept them before they become inevitable (remember: anxiety makes us stupid!)

Effective leaders also pay attention the anxiety of others. Without absorbing or taking responsibility for the reactions of other people, these leaders are able to see anxiety as it develops in relationships and predict what is likely to happen. They are then able to introduce--through their own behavior--a measure of calmness and rationality. More about that tomorrow.