I don't want to disappoint Chip...

And so I post again... :)

We have begun the process of research for our current picture of reality. We have gotten some demographic work done, the ridder team has wrestled with a few items and the consistory has assignments for the summer. John and I have our conference call this evening and I am looking forward to that... So, we take babysteps on this journey together - John and I decided to bring Gill along on the trip as well...

On another note, this Sunday my fam and I leave for 2 1/2 weeks of being unplugged from the world. We will be spending a week in the Yellowstone area and then hit some of the major sights along on our way back home... Here is a picture of where we hope to spend some of our time.

Blessings to you,

Brian

A Clear & Compelling Picture of Our Current Reality... hmmm

So, we are trying to tackle this assignment - here at Haven. We are dividing it up and sharing the research load with the whole consistory for two reasons. First, dude, it is a huge assignment! Not only are there a ton of significant areas to dig into, but we have to multiply it all by 5 in order to mimic my kids when they were little (you need to read Leading Congregation Change to get that...).

More important, however, we want them all to be part of the process of coming to grips with the reality we are living today. I was struck by that reality as we tried to practice much of what we have been learning at a "come to Jesus" meeting last week.

Anyway, we are on the journey...

Blessings,

brian

It just happened again. A professional that I depend on failed to keep his word, much less honor it--for the third time this week. From his point of view, it's a failure of organization--he just got too busy, he lost track of his schedule, he couldn't be on this side of town, he forgot to let me know.

For me, it's a failure of integrity. He said he would do something and then he didn't. Then, in an effort to look good or at least not look bad, he lied about it. He tried to make it right by saying that he would do it on Friday of this week. Then he called Friday morning to say that he wouldn't be able to get to it, again with a long list of reasons.

He doesn't understand why I am upset. In his mind, his reasons are good reasons (and I agree, they probably are.) He doesn't understand what happens to a relationship, even a professional one, when you give your word to something and then don't do what you said you would do--and then rely on fudging the truth to look good.

I mentioned our commitment on integrity to a man in my church over dinner this week. He manages a beautiful ranch down here in the Texas hill country. He talked about how much of his work depends on people keeping their word with him. We agreed that the gospel is often compromised by our failure of integrity. I said that sometimes ministers had trouble with this and he nodded vigorously.

I am watching myself more closely right now--am I keeping my word? When I can't keep my word, am I honoring my word? Am I more interested in looking good or at least not looking bad than I am in my basic integrity? How about you?

From Jim:

Yesterday and today Michael Frost, co-author of ReJesus: The Wild Messiah for the Missional Church, spoke in three settings in Houston. At the lunch meeting he challenged and inspired me. I want to recapture what I heard him say for my own learning. This are my notes.
Throughout modernity the Church has focused on four purposes - worship, discipleship, community, and mission. During this period, we have done discipleship and community around worship - on Sunday mornings, with the preacher as the center piece of the experience. And for a long time that worked.
He suggested that in this era a more effective way to think about the work of the Church is to do worship, community, and discipleship around mission. He proposes that the Church is a collection of the sent ones. While on mission, worship, community and discipleship take on a much more powerful focus.
What would happen if the vision for local missional congregations was to equip missional leaders who, as they were on mission were worshipping, building community, and making disciples? Does this seem really different to you? It does to me.

It was truly wonderful to see you all again, in Holland this time. You challenge and inspire us and we love to work with you. Thank you for the privilege one more time!

We'd love to hear what you're hearing from your leadership teams. What seems to be the main take-away from the weekend? What kind of emotional connection did they forge with the concepts that were presented?

You can comment on this blog or post to it OR if that's too techno-challenging, email me and I'll post your comments.

Next, Jim and I will comment on your next steps and offer some coaching for the near future.

One common way we try to avoid or mitigate pain in the future is to make a vow. We respond to a painful or threatening experience by saying, "I will never . . . " or "I will always . . . " Some common vows: "I won't try." "I won't feel." "I won't get close." "I will win." "I will avoid." "I will be perfect." "I will make up for it." "I won't trust." You get the idea, right?

So how do we discover the vows or decisions we made as children? One way is to think through our painful or scary memories. Whether we remember making the vow or not, we may be able to discern a way of thinking that formed in response to that difficult experience and became a patterned way of dealing with the world. Another way is to look at a place in our lives today that isn't working. Sometimes we can trace a pattern back to its source. You may remember that I shared a story about the murder of my uncle. My vow was, "I will love You and serve You but I will not trust You." I only discovered that vow as I was working with a spiritual director to understand my seeming inability to form a consistent prayer life.

Vows matter because they form a default response in our lives--a way of being that shapes who we become and how we behave. Because it is a default response, we lose the ability to choose differently, to do something else. Do you remember the vows you identified at the retreat? Do you remember Jim saying, "If you made the vow, you can unmake it"? Have you begun the hard work of recognizing and undoing the vows of the past?

Something happens. It actually, factually happens. Then we make meaning of what happened. We tell ourselves stories about what happened. Eventually, we no longer know what happened. We only know what we told ourselves about what happened.

A boy asks a girl for a date. The girl says no, thank you. The boy tells himself that he was rejected.

When bad things happen when we're very young (and sometimes when we're older), we only know two meanings: "There's something wrong with you" or "There's something wrong with me." Which one we tend to choose will determine everything else.

Why does this matter? It matters because these stories about our lives are the patterns we bring into ministry. This is what other people see, what they relate to, and this is what will do us in eventually. Our questions, our addictions, our insecurities, our struggles are all rooted in the meaning we make of what has happened to us.

Freedom comes when we are able to tell the truth. To tell the truth about what actually happened. To tell the truth about the meaning we have made and the stories we have told. To tell the truth about the struggle.

We can only tell the truth about our selves when we take time for solitude, to remember and to listen. Jesus said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."